I do have writers’ block, though. There have been wonderful moments recently – I have a brand-new niece! born last night! – and not-so-wonderful moments, including George getting pneumonia and the front passenger tire blowing completely off my minivan while I was doing 90kph on the highway with all three of my kids on board.

These are all life events, but not the kind that are prompting me to write a post right now.

There’s other stuff going on too, stuff that isn’t blog fodder but nevertheless is occupying a lot of my mental energy.

Hoping to regain my mojo soon. Perhaps when and if it ever stops effing raining here.

 

Here’s something I do not get.

Through months of trial and error, we have established that Louis needs at a minimum 15 hours of sleep in every 24 to function like a rational, reasonable human being.

He takes three hour naps every afternoon, and thanks to a new earlier wake-up time to coincide with his mom’s new job he absolutely has to be in bed by 7PM or the next day he is an unhinged and unpleasant mess.

And when I say “in bed by 7PM” I mean in bed, lights out, door closed, sleep now.

His mom totally gets it.

His dad does not.

Last night his mom had to work late, and I’d have known this even if she hadn’t told me, because after being a delightful person yesterday, so far today Louis has:

• pulled a wooden dollhouse down onto his head
• demanded that Pixie play with him, and when she refused, tattled loudly & in a whining voice
• talked baby-talk a LOT
• arrived having not gone to the bathroom since he woke up in the morning
• taken toys away from the toddlers repeatedly, while straight-up growling
• backed Pixie into a corner, ignoring her requests that he leave her alone
• threw a tantrum because he claimed he was “starving” less than an hour after eating breakfast
• run screaming at Ron and knocked a book out of his hands, with no provocation whatsoever

His dad has been told repeatedly, by both me and Louis’ mom, that bedtime is not negotiable with Louis. That there can’t be any fudging, lollygagging, watching episodes of Thomas the Tank Engine as a reward for tooth-brushing, etc. That 7PM is lights-out-now-time, not start-the-45-minute-routine time.

He refuses to listen, and I can’t understand why.

Louis with enough sleep is a completely different child than Louis without enough sleep. Louis with enough sleep is still loudly extroverted, still high-energy, but he’s friendly and funny and engaging. Louis without enough sleep is a totally unlikeable kid – a mean, aggressive bully who lashes out with fists and feet if he doesn’t get his own way, screaming at the top of his lungs all the while.

One makes me pleased to have him as part of the gang. One makes me want to fire him and replace him with someone from my slowly-but-steadily-growing waiting list.

His mom also says that Tired Louis is hard to like. She is just as frustrated with the situation as I am. She has talked to her husband many times about the importance of sticking to that bedtime like glue, because the fallout is bad for everyone, including Louis.

And yet, any evening that Louis’ dad is in charge of the bedtime routine, the lights go out between 30 and 45 minutes later than they should, and all the next day I’m dealing with a disruptive, angry child.

Tomorrow, Louis’ parents go away for ten days, for their anniversary. His grandmother will be caring for Louis & his two older siblings. I am praying that she at least is more understanding of the need to stick to the routine than his dad is.

Because lord knows, I have science on my side when pleading with all the parents to make sure that their kids are getting enough sleep.

Both Nan and Nicole responded to a recent Daily Mail article that listed “50 Ways to Live Life to the Full” – a ridiculous list that set my teeth on edge right off the bat, because shouldn’t it be “fullest”, not “full”? Or am I just pasting my own colloquial English onto proper grammar?

Anyway, I miss the good old days when we all used to do blog memes at least once a week, so without further ado, here’s how my own life stacks up against what the Daily Mail’s seemingly pretty damn shallow and stupid readership thinks of a life well lived.

1. Stop worrying about money

I actually am trying not to worry about money, but as Gene Kelly says “An American in Paris”: “I ain’t got [money]. And when you ain’t got any, it takes on a curious significance“. That’s my problem. We are comfortable, but we don’t have so much that we can’t make any frivolous purchases without discussing them first.

2. Stop worrying about what other people think

Up to a point, I agree with this – I spend entirely too much time worrying about what people might be thinking about me. However, the social contract falls apart pretty quickly if you never consider how other people are reacting to you.

3. Take two holidays a year

We always take one. Two is outside of our budget (see point # 1).

4. Enjoy little comforts in life

I have wooly slippers and a fuzzy bathrobe. I buy the good coffee and brew it every morning in a good coffeemaker. I like to keep a bar of good chocolate on hand, and when I have time to enjoy it I drink my tea out of antique bone china cups. I got this one In. The. Bag.

5. Experience different cultures

When I get the opportunity, I do this. Particularly the food. Man, do I love exotic food.

6. Work to live rather than live to work

I say this all the time. Both Michael and I work so that we can be secure enough to enjoy our not-work time.

7. Pay off all debts

You know, we’re very close to this one! We just paid off one of our two vehicles last week, using our tax return. We have no credit card debt anymore. We do still have a mortgage, and a monthly payment on our minivan, but otherwise, I’m going to give me a half-point.

8. Be true to yourself

This sounds like something you’d see on a T-shirt or a damn coffee mug, or something. What the hell? Sure. True to myself. I don’t lie to myself, really.

9. Concentrate on what you have instead of what you don’t have

This is excellent advice and I practice this all the time, plus I’m teaching the same idea to my kids.

10. Use money on experiences rather than saving for a rainy day

Oh gods, no. Save for a rainy day. You can still have experiences without flinging money around like a drunken sailor on shore leave.

11. Make time for family and friends

All of my time goes to my family and friends. I think a better challenge would be “make time for yourself”.

12. Try all types of food

I will try anything once.

13. Find true love

I certainly love Michael very much. Plus one point.

14. Travel to at least 25 different foreign countries

I’ve been to the United States, Germany, and the U.K. (for all of 24 hours). Michael and I have big plans to do lots of traveling once the kids are older and the mortgage is put to bed.

15. Go outside more

I go outside all the time! I play with the kids, I garden, I walk the dog – this one is silly. SILLY, I tell you.

16. Learn a new language

No time. NO TIME. I understand French if people speak slowly, but I can’t speak it well at all. I took Spanish 1000 in university to satisfy the language credit requirement, and that was actually a lot of fun, but without an opportunity to practice I’ve lost most of it. I can still sing “La Bamba” in Spanish, though. How many people can say that?

17. Be well thought of by family and friends

Goodness, I hope I am. I think so.

18. Help a member of your family out when they really need it

I have done this, many times. I think I should get five bonus points.

19. Lose a stone in weight

A stone is 14 pounds. I’ve lost that much before. I gained it back, though. Half-point.

20. Treat each day like it’s your last

NO NO NO NO. This is the kind of thinking that leads to binge drinking, overeating, profligate spending, and generalized dick-smackery.

21. Visit all of Britain’s historical landmarks

Because I’m Canadian, I’d like to change this to “visit every province and territory in Canada”.  I have always wanted to do this.

22. Book an impulsive last minute holiday

I’m hyperventilating at the very thought. Nope. I need time to plan.

23. Volunteer for a good cause

I’ve done this, back in my pre-kid days. Currently I’m co-chair of the school advisory committee, and I’m coaching Ron’s Little League t-ball team this summer.

24. Take up a challenge

I’ve done this. Point!

25. Go on safari

This would be cool, actually. I’d like to do this. Especially if there are elephants. I am fascinated by elephants. I’ve seen them up close twice, at two different zoos, and I get all teary-eyed every time.

26. Blow a load of money in one shopping trip, just because you can

Not without saving up first!

27. Learn a new instrument

I already know how to play the flute and saxophone. I can play piano a very little bit, and I would like to take it up again now that I’m older and would actually put the work in.

28. Be married for longer than 20 years

Not there yet. Michael and I have been together since 1999, and married since 2004.

29. Have enough money left for the grandchildren to enjoy

Um… no. I want to enjoy my money, thanks. I’ll share what I have with my grandkids, if I have any, while I’m alive to enjoy it with them.

30. Start a family

Done.

31. Earn more than your age

Oh, I am so not there. I used to be! Then I started having kids and, well, providing childcare doesn’t pay very well.

32. Have a pet

I have two! My yellow lab Salty and my Sad Cat Diary writer Max.

33. Drive a really fast car

I have never done this. I’ve driven average-speed cars very fast, though. Again, before I had kids. Now I am a law-abiding citizen.

34. Travel alone

I used to travel alone for work, sometimes. The best part was coming back to an empty hotel room, sacking out with ALL the pillows, and watching Law & Order marathons.

35. Be able to keep the kids on the straight and narrow

So far, YES.

36. Meet strangers

I do it, and I’m told you can’t tell that I’m terrified, but I always am. Meeting new people is hard for me.

37. Move away from home to an unfamiliar place

Nope. I live one hour away from where I grew up. I can’t see myself moving away from Nova Scotia, not for any length of time, anyway.

38. Have a one night stand

Never have. Don’t foresee a situation where I ever would.

39. Pass your driving test

Done! First try! Although I’m still absolute balls at parallel parking.

40. Get a degree

I have a B.A., major in English, minor in History. I use it ALL THE TIME in the dayhome.

41. Rescue someone so that you’re a hero for a little while

I… how in the name of god could you plan this? This is just weird. If I saw someone who needed rescuing, I would help them. But I don’t know that you can really put it on a to-do list.

42. Date someone exciting but completely wrong for you

Did this in high school. It was not a notable success.

43. Get a promotion

‘Fraid not. In my work-outside-the-home life I had a tendency to take on more and more responsibility without getting more money or improved working benefits, because I am a sucker and I hate leaving work undone.

44. Reach the desired career peak by age 40

Whatever. I don’t have a ‘desired career peak’. NEXT.

45. Have an all-night drinking session

Yes. I have done this. I was a lot younger. And the thought of it now makes me want to lie down and die.

46. Perform something on stage in front of others

DONE! I was in school bands for six years, I was in Fame in high school, I participated in speech competitions and in elementary school I even competed as a vocal soloist. I was petrified every time, but man, do I love the applause.

47. Snog a stranger

Well… pre-Michael, I *did* snog a guy I barely knew, once. Alcohol was a factor. I don’t feel that my life has been enhanced by that particular experience.

48. Plan a surprise party

I would love to do this, for the right person.

49. Embark on adrenaline packed activities such as sky diving or bungee jumping

I would try sky-diving, once the children are grown. I would never put my boys’ mother at risk while they’re young. Oh! And I’d love to do the Edgewalk at the CN Tower.

50. Spend time with children even if they aren’t yours

Just LOOK at what I do for a living. I am hereby giving myself one million bonus points.

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If you play along, link in the comments!