You probably all remember just how much I hate, loathe, and abominate E.L. James’ 50 Shades of Gray series.
In case you’ve forgotten, here’s a refresher:
They are just terrible using every objective measurement, from the piss-poor editing to the bad writing, from the total misunderstanding of D/s relationships to the promotion of the idea that love isn’t true & real unless one partner is miserable all the goddamn time.
The first movie trailer hit the interwebs this week, so suddenly it’s back in the news again… and will be, I’m guessing, until it comes out in February and earns one thousand million zillion dollars.
I resisted watching the trailer for days, until my prurient curiosity got the better of me. I went to YouTube and watched this video. It’s SFW but embedding was blocked, sorry about that.
I watched the whole thing until I realized it isn’t actually a movie trailer – it’s a watch commercial. A watch commercial tagged “50 Shades Official Trailer”, mind you.
So I searched again, and after finding an Audi commercial disguised as a trailer… and a helicopter commercial disguised as a trailer… and some badly-lit homemade porn disguised as trailers… I finally found this:
Which is NSFW, obviously, but also really boring. I can’t imagine paying cash money to sit through two hours of that.
AND THERE WILL BE THREE MOVIES, HELP US ALL.
My point is… I deliberated hate-watching them. The suggestion was made on Twitter yesterday that anyone who did go hate-watch should atone by donating twice the ticket price to a local women’s shelter, and I thought about it, but I just can’t. I’m still recovering from the experience of reading the stupid books, I can’t imagine watching the movies, unless I had a gaggle of like-minded folks to go with me and I smuggled in a mickey of rye to pour into my over-priced movie theatre Coke.