Posted by: Hannah | 07/17/2010

litany of complaint

Not feeling so good today.  I can feel tears trying to start, that weird fluttery feeling in my chest that presages a crying jag.  I’m on edge, like I’m waiting for something bad or scary to happen, but I don’t know what it is.  I can’t think of anything that should be making me nervous, but that’s what I’m feeling physically, and I am not enjoying it.

All I want to do today is curl up with an ice pack – because the tension I’m carrying in my neck finally resulted in a muscle strain, and now I can’t turn my head – and play video games until my eyes hurt.  I don’t want the children today.  I don’t want my husband.  I don’t want anyone and anything… I just want a day to waste, and unplug from my life, and recharge.

I can’t have it, though.  My car is back in the shop – $1600 just last week to correct a horrible crunching grinding noise, and last night it was doing it again, so loudly I was scared to drive it.  Hubby’s laptop inexplicably is not working, and while I secretly am pleased that this means he will have to engage with the family all weekend instead of ignoring us all, I am also dreading his bad mood because his toy is broken.  The smallest little has developed the charming habit of screaming loudly during diaper changes, but refuses to contemplate toilet training.  The biggest little is also demanding a day of video games because it’s raining again and he doesn’t like playing outside when it’s wet.

Oh, and the dog needs his nails trimmed.

I’m hoping that by letting all of this out of me early in the day that maybe I can put a happy face on.  I don’t like spending my time angry and sad.  I don’t like myself when I’m like this.

What do you do, on those days when you just wish you were single and childless?  Or am I the only one who does that?  (If you ARE single and childless, I somehow doubt you have days where you wish you had a spouse and some kids.  Or maybe I’m wrong.)

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Responses

  1. Wow, a page out of a book that I’ve written and not published.

    On those days (which happen around here too…sometimes frequently, sometimes infrequently)…I put my head down and try to find things that make it more bearable. Good music? Baking a recipe that is bad for me? Letting boy wonder watch too much TV? Wearing my favorite comfy clothes that are too ugly to wear in public?

    I hope things are turning around….
    xox

  2. Oh my gosh. There are days when I want to throw Derek’s laptop out the freakin’ window so that he will play with the children- but much like you- know that it would lead to mope-fest 2010. It usually happens on these days that I dream of him saying “Hey, let me take the kids out for a LONG walk. You rest- take it easy.” It hasn’t happened. Yet.


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