Posted by: Hannah | 05/08/2011

Hallmark can go fuck itself

Ah, Mother’s Day. A day of too much money spent on flowers and cards. A day of nasty, cold breakfasts delivered in bed at an ungodly hour of the morning. A day of high expectations, seldom realized.

No one ever wants to talk about what most mothers I know actually want for Mother’s Day – namely, a day as far away from their children and the thousand and one mundane tasks of motherhood as possible. Heck, an afternoon. An hour, even! Or a half hour to watch just. one. show. on the Slice network without having to answer silly questions about it.

Handsome Hubby did make me a truly delicious omelette, and I did get to eat it all alone at the table while the kids, unaware that I was out of bed, watched cartoons downstairs. Compared to some of the breakfast horror stories I’ve been reading on Twitter, I made out like a bandit on that front. But it is one of life’s great ironies that as soon as kids are old enough to be aware of Mother’s Day, they think the bestest! way! ever! to celebrate it and show their love is to stick to their mothers like glue all the live-long day.

I also was gifted with a plaster-cast handprint from Thing #1. To add to the two plaster-cast handprints I already have from previous Mother’s Day efforts. At this rate, I’ll be able to build a hut in the backyard out of plaster-cast handprints and go hide in it every year so I can drink my coffee in peace.

My wants for Mother’s Day were few. I said I wanted two things: to be allowed to sleep in (and that actually did happen, I didn’t wake up until 8AM, so each year it’s getting better), and I didn’t want to have to Touch Poop, whether human or animal, all day.

We shall see.



  1. Given how tight finances are atm I had told hubby I didn’t want any money spent on gifts for Mother’s Day. And I didn’t. I wanted homemade, which is what I got, and it was great. πŸ™‚

    However, your list is better. I think next year my requests might be more like this:
    – sleeping in (which is something he gives me on the weekends anyway)
    – waking up to a clean house, or at least a clean kitchen/dining
    – doing something active and ideally outdoors as a family
    – pancakes for breakfast
    – having some time alone

    Live and learn. I hope I remember these lessons for next year! πŸ™‚

  2. Best blog title EVER. Husband & kids gave me a lantern for our new deck & I’m giving myself a day of no laundry. That’s fine by me.

  3. I successfully avoided poop. I actually wanted to spend the day with Babby (not that I had a choice) but without the poop. I do like a good reason to order husbands to change diapers without feeling like a bossy bitch.

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