Posted by: Hannah | 06/09/2011

on why the pregnant should never google

I had my regularly scheduled pre-natal doctor visit last night. Because I was so compulsively trying & testing for months before I conceived, and because I have this mental block wherein I need a doctor to say “you’re pregnant” before I believe it, no matter how many sticks I pee on, this is my second one and I’m only ten weeks in today.

What can I say, I’m a keener. I liked getting my homework done ahead of time, too.

Some things which came out of last night’s visit:

1. I tested positive for group B strep. It’s a microscopic amount of bacteria – like, really tiny – and I’m asymptomatic, so the doctor isn’t worried. Last night, I wasn’t either, particularly.

2. My pregnancy hormone levels (hCG) are very very high. I’m super-pregnant. Which doesn’t surprise me, really – I have always been able to get a positive pregnancy test at the very earliest possible time, and I always get sick early, too. But I’ve never had a doctor remark on it before.

3. My doctor (and this is a new doctor, I should mention – she’s a family doc but she also delivers babies herself, which is increasingly rare) believes in leaving as little to chance as possible, so my initial round of blood tests covered everything. I did a glucose tolerance test because of my family history. I had a full STD screening including HIV. Turns out, the initial HIV result was positive (!!!!!!!!!!) but the follow-up confirmation test was negative, so I’m fine. Still, I never thought I’d see the words “HIV positive” next to my name. Like, ever.

However, it was a fine visit and I left feeling in good spirits. Then, this morning, I thought to myself “hmm, I ought to google some of this stuff to see what I’m dealing with”.

This was NOT a good idea. According to google, I am now going to have HIV-infected twins who develop meningitis in the first week after birth.

Google, you are hereby on notice.



  1. Google can be dangerous. I google preeclampsia today…and yikes! Don’t Google that one.

    • Oh, I know, eh? I was watching the season of 19 Kids & Counting when Mrs. Duggar had pre-eclampsia and delivered their baby at 20-something weeks… it was horrible.

  2. Yes, Dr. Google is a bit of an alarmist quack.

    But twins would be exciting…

    • If by “exciting” you mean “throw up in my mouth”. đŸ™‚

  3. I was so stressed out when you said a positive HIV test, and then breathed again one second later. Don’t do that to me! Also don’t google anything. It’s bad news.

    • Yup. And that’s pretty much exactly how the doctor told me about it. To say I was dumbstruck for that second or two would be an understatement.

  4. In that case I strongly recommend against googling congenital ichythyosis.

    You probably don’t have twins. You probably have one of those Uber Growth babies and it’ll just be, like, 14 pounds when its born.

    That’s better, right?

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