Posted by: Hannah | 12/08/2011

one quiet day

A very weepy day yesterday.

I spent it watching maudlin videos on YouTube and then sharing them on Twitter so others could cry, too. I made people weep on two continents yesterday! At least! So there’s that.

Everything made me cry yesterday. Everything. VQB’s mom told me they’d be dropping back to part-time after Christmas and then leaving earlier than anticipated once her baby arrives… I cried while I told Hubs about it. Partly from sheer exhaustion at the thought of first finding and then orientating not one but two kids plus my own baby in the next two to three months. And partly because she is my oldest client – and my favourite by far – and I will miss them.

And then I took Harry to Tae Kwon Do, and he got very discouraged so we had a little chat with Master LeBlanc after class, and he was so kind and encouraging that Harry teared up. Which made me tear up. Again. Then I took him shopping to buy a present for Ron, and when we walked into the store they had a big wire bin of cinnamon-scented pinecones; we both simultaneously breathed deeply and said “ahhh, scented pinecones”. Which made me all emotional because that’s my boy, right there.

Then more weepy times once both boys were asleep because my father-in-law died two years ago on December 20th, and this time of year is very hard on Hubs, and I get sad when he is sad. So we were just a couple of blubbering messes up in here all evening.

Today has been a better day.

Arthur and VQB are both home, but this is unscheduled, so I’m still getting paid. No Pixie today because I had her yesterday instead. And no Marie because it’s not her regular day. Just Monkey, and today being her Friday I let her nap for as long as she liked instead of making her wake up after two hours as per her parents’ instructions. (Side note: she slept an additional 45 minutes and woke up pleasant. And dry! I don’t really see how that 45 minutes makes a blind bit of difference but whatever, they’re paying me. *sigh*)

Anyway, what it means is that we’re in the middle of a crazy rain and wind storm – a weather bomb! Meteorologists are VERY EXCITED – and for three solid hours it was just me and Ron. This almost never happens, and we made the most of it. We wrapped some presents, cleaned the bathroom (he loves helping me with chores) and did laundry. We ate a peaceful lunch together, snuggled on the couch for a bit, and tried to learn the words to “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”.

He’s a delightful little person. And it’s one of the sad ironies of running the dayhome, how little time I get to spend with just him. Because one of the reasons I’m doing this is to be more present for my own kids than I would be if I worked outside the home. Some days – like yesterday, at least until quitting time – it doesn’t feel like I am, so much.

And Monkey too, after all, is my niece. On the one hand I need to treat her the same as the other ‘extra’ kids; on the other hand I’m her auntie, and want to do auntie-type things. So I think once she’s finished eating the three of us might mix up some cookie dough and then do some more decorating. Harry will be home from school soon and he loves to do that kind of domestic Christmas-type stuff, too.

I’m trying to create happy memories of this last little while when we are still a family of four. I don’t want them to just remember the weepy hormonal ragey uncomfortable mommy who resisted all attempts to be touched.





  1. Was it the full moon? EVERYONE was weepy here yesterday. Know what’s a good thing NOT to do when you and your daughter are feeling weepy? Read her the adorable but sad book (about kids talking to their beloved toys and then growing up and the toys missing them) that you bought for your one-year-old nephew before wrapping it. Wahhhhhhhh.

  2. I can understand how hubby (and you) feel. It’s been years since mom died and I still have a bad day (either on the day she died or randomly in the summer because she’d been hoping for one last summer at the cottage). I’m sure it’s much harder for you guys as it happened so close to Christmas. So sad. Hugs to both of you XOX

  3. I hope you feel beTter today.

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