I was browsing through the ‘child care wanted’ ads today when it suddenly dawned on me – summer vacation is only two and half months away. That adds another kid to the mix, all day long – bringing my current total to six, which is the legal limit. So unless I can find someone who wants care only until June 30th, I can’t realistically take on anyone else.
This is both disheartening, as we have dug ourselves a debt hole in the last four months that will take some time to dig back out of again, and strangely freeing. I will of course continue to advertise, and I have a small waiting list in case anything changes, but I really can’t bust my ass right now, taking any client I can find to fill spaces just because the spaces are there. In theory I suppose I could find someone willing to work around the schedule I have for Molly & Luna, and if someone looking for three afternoons and two mornings a week on those same days could be found I’d consider it, but I’ve got my hands full right now.
I’m OK admitting that. This shit is hard some days, yo. Although it might be hard to people to imagine, I am an introvert (Myers-Briggs says so!) and it’s wearing on me to have the continual level of noise that’s going on. Some mornings, Pixie whines, Luna howls, Molly talks, Ron argues, and Baby G both whinges and fusses. By the time Harry is finally in bed, my ears crave silence.
And this is a good group that (generally) gets along just fine! I’m terrified to introduce a new element. What if I get a Marie? Or worse, a kid like last summer’s New Kid (he wasn’t here long enough to rate a name) who beat up on the other kids, cried all day long, demanded a steady diet of television, and still drank a full bottle of formula every day even though he was three years old?
*barfs in mouth, hides under the bed*
So Hubs and I have talked about it, and we’ve agreed that I need to keep sight of why I’m doing this in the first place, which is to be present and accounted for while our own children are small. That I need to keep their emotional and physical well-being top of mind. That the current blend we have seems to be weighted towards the positive, and that trying to introduce someone new right now might be the thing that tips it over into completely unmanageable from merely exhausting & incredibly noisy.
But if any of you are wondering what I’d love for my birthday in a couple of weeks, well – earplugs would be favourite.