Posted by: Hannah | 06/05/2012

Typhoid Mary

A better name for Louis might be Typhoid Mary, or perhaps the Trojan Horse. He came to us last Monday with a runny nose, and now every single person in the dayhome has a streaming head cold.

Normally this time of year a cold would not decimate the ranks so thoroughly, but it’s been raining every weekday since the May long weekend, and that always makes the viruses spread more quickly.

It’s not even really possible to play outside despite the wet, because it’s also unseasonably cold (I’ve had the heat turned on for days) and with everyone already sick, getting them wet and cold seems like a bad idea.

So I’m wipingwipingwiping all the noses. And washing my hands even more than my usual baseline of a thousand times a day. And cleaning every surface with Lysol wipes (not my usual practice, I’m generally a soap & water girl) to try and keep ahead of the horrible plague.

WHERE IS SUMMER? I am indignant. Also freezing. And bitter that the FDA took away our infant cold medication, becauseĀ fuck science, that stuff used to make stuffy-headed babies feel better.

And then last night Harry discovered that his pet snail had died, and that precipitated a guilt-induced 45 minute crying jag because he feels that Luke Snailwalker’s demise was his fault. (No, you murderous lot, I didn’t kill it. Not unless I can kill things WITH MY MIND, which is kind of awesome but also terrifying in its implications, because I think a lot of unholy things about a lot of people in the run of a week.)

Did you know that nose-picking two year olds love nothing better than to grab a baby’s soother and ram it back in his mouth crawling with their horrid germs? TRUTH.

This post really has no point, beyond that I’m tired of being a cold, damp, telekinetic crank with pockets full of used Kleenex and a head full of sleep deprivation.

Tell me something amusing, okay?

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Responses

  1. Ack. That’s a whole lot of boogers. I wash my hands so much they are always cracked and dry, and this is a huge improvement on when the boys were little when I washed them 100x what I do now. I can only imagine the state of your poor hands.

    My husband used to long for those powers to kill people with his mind. He often says “If I was dictator, that guy would be executed” in reference to someone who was driving super slow in the fast lane, or someone who backs out of parking spaces without looking, or to the morning news meteorologist. I WON’T TELL HIM YOU HAVE THE POWERS HE IS LONGING FOR.

  2. I know it is really gross, but you should smell the snail. If it doesn’t smell like death then it is just hibernating. They do that sometimes when it isn’t wet enough. Spray him with water, maybe leave a cap full in where ever he lives and it should be all right.

    I have a snail, he is named Snaily the snail.

  3. We had a hermit crab. It either ditched its shell and escaped or dried up to nothing. Eve took it much better than poor Harry. Although she did used to like playing tug of war with kleenex with it. Her best friend gave it to her for her birthday, without parental consultation, which would have annoyed me if it wasn’t The Crazy Greeks – everybody knows they play by different rules.

    Um, last funny t-shirt I saw – if life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic. Healing vibes.

    • Nicole: If your husband really wants someone done in, tell him I will work for a very reasonable fee.

      Danielle: Welcome! Thanks for your helpful suggestion (and I love the name Snaily, BTW) but Luke Snailwalker is very definitely dead. Sadly, a grade one classroom is a hazardous place, and he suffered a pretty serious shell breakage before he even came home. We eventually figured out that he hadn’t eaten anything since that happened, so he was sadly probably dying when he came home. *sigh*

      Allison: The funny t-shirt made me laugh. So mission accomplished!

  4. Ugh. Runny noses make me want to run away. You’re a braver woman than I.

    Today a friend told me about how her kids have just learned “the f word” from another kid at school. It astonished her that they went from knowing no actual rude words (‘stupid’ was their worst naughty word) to one of the bigger ones, as she had expected a more gradual increase. Or, as she said, “My kids don’t know ‘shit’…” At which point we both laughed so hard at the double meaning it took a while before conversation could resume.

    • *giggle* My kids, lamentably, both know some pretty good swears. They learned them from me. BAD MOMMY.

  5. TELL ME THE NAME OF THE BABY COLD MEDICATION. Maybe PH and I can find it in the states. We discovered that their pediatric Advil has higher suggested doses than in Canada.

    • It was the US that removed it from store shelves first, actually. But both Advil and Tylenol used to make infant cold meds; it was always on the shelf right next to the infant pain & fever reducer, and at least when Harry was a baby that stuff worked to keep his nasal congestion down to a dull roar. When the US removed it, it took Canada a while to catch up, and I stockpiled a few bottles (after all, it does expire, there’s only so much you can do) and used them oh so sparingly when both boys had colds. I MISS MAH DRUGS.


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