Posted by: Hannah | 06/20/2012

tag, you’re it!

My god, I hear people saying “blogging is dead” and then I see people intentionally shutting theirs down and I think “fuck, I’ve only been ahead of two curves in my life – the popularity of Nirvana and blogging. AND NOW THEY ARE BOTH DEAD.”

And then! I get tagged for a 2006-style blog meme, which just makes me giggle. So thanks, Carol at If By Yes – you are kickin’ it old school, and you get all the snaps for that.

The rules for playing blog tag are simple:

1- You must post the rules
2- Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post
3- Create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged
4- Tag eleven people with a link to your post (I don’t think I read 11 blogs anymore. So I’ll tag as many as I can.)
5- Let them know they’ve been tagged

Here are the questions Carol came up with. They are FIENDISH, I tell you.

1. How many times, as an adult, have you wet yourself?

Ooh boy. Don’t pull any punches, Carol. Just make us jump right in with the mega-commitment. As an adult, only once. I was pregnant with G and had horrible all-day-and-all-night sickness. I was curled around the toilet one night throwing up what felt like not only my stomach contents but also most of my internal organs when my bladder just couldn’t handle it anymore. SO SEXY. When your husband finds you on the bathroom floor sobbing, sitting in a puddle of your own urine and wiping vomit off your chin, and all he does is hug you and put you in the shower, you know you’ve got a keeper.

2. What book are you most ashamed of liking?

I used to be ashamed for my love of Stephen King, but somewhere along the line he became an American Literary Treasure (TM), so that’s off the list. I love Anne Rice’s Cry to Heaven. Like so many of her books, it’s overwrought, plushy, too heavily plotted, gothic… but you can tell she did her research, there’s not a supernatural element in it, and it got me to actually try – once again – to listen to opera. However, when anyone asks me “what’s it about?” and I say “oh, it’s about a young man in 18th century Venice who is forcibly castrated for the stage so that his disgraced elder brother can inherit the family title & property. Oh, and the brother is actually his father. And there is lots of both gay and straight eunuch sex in it”… well, I never actually say that. Because I’m getting kind of embarrassed just typing it, right now.

3. What book are you most ashamed of disliking?

I wouldn’t call it ‘ashamed’, because I own my disliking, but anything by Robertson Davies makes me want to claw my eyeballs clean out of my head. I recognize that this makes me some kind of traitor to my country or something, but his prose is laboured and his plots are needlessly complicated. When you do an English degree in Canada, saying you really hated reading Davies and couldn’t wait to be done with it will get you drawn & quartered. So I normally just shrug and give this weird, pained half-smile when asked, and say something like “Fifth Business? I did a paper on it in university. Look, a squirrel!”

4. What cartoon character did you have a crush on as a child?

He-Man. Oh lord, He-Man. Not when he was Adam though, because when he was Adam you could just tell he had soft hands and collected coins, or something. Also Hefty Smurf. Don’t you judge me. (Apparently even as a child I liked the tough guys. Huh.)

5. What dream was terrifying as a child, but is funny to think about now?

I don’t really remember dreaming much, even as a child – and I still don’t recall my dreams much of the time. But I do remember there being a weird pattern in the ceiling of our old house; there was a collection of knot holes and water damage that looked, so help me god, like an old man’s groaning face. I never noticed it until we got bunk beds and I as the older sibling was on the top bunk. That face freaked me the fuck out, night after night. I used to tell myself not to look at it, because I knew it would scare me – but then I’d have to look, just to make sure it wasn’t Getting Up To Funny Business. And then I would look, and it always seemed to have changed expression some minute amount. I hated that thing.

6. What word do you always misspell?

Acheive. Achieve. And yes, I know i before e except after c” but there is a “C” there, which I guess is why I fuck it up. Every. Single. Time. (I did not do the strike-out thing there to be cutesy. I actually did spell it wrong, the first try.)

7. What bad smell do you secretly kind of like?

Cow manure. It reminds me of springtime, and open fields.

8. What good smell do you actually dislike?

The smell of popcorn popping kind of yarks me out. I don’t know why. I love to eat popcorn. It tastes good. But the smell of it wafting through the house makes me want to open a bunch of windows.

9. Are you the kind of person who wants to eat babies/puppies?

I will *always* put a baby’s feet in my mouth. Also their earlobes, and neck fat (after a bath only, because a baby’s neck fat can get some awful stank by the end of the day). Never puppies, though. I like dogs in their place but I refuse to put my mouth anywhere near a dog, nor are they allowed to put their mouths anywhere near me. No licking! I hate it. It’s like being rubbed with a dead carp.

10. What is your most intellectually snobby personality trait?

I can’t help it, inside my head I judge people who use bad grammar and sloppy pronunciation. I automatically make assumptions about their lives if they say “I seen” or make “iron” and “film” into two-syllable words. It’s assholish of me, and I know that, but I can’t seem to stop that little voice inside my head from feeling superior to people who speak that way.

11. What is your trashiest personality trait?

I swear. A lot. I have managed to break the habit sufficiently to hold it in during business hours (“come to my dayhome! THEY WILL LEARN NEW WORDS!”) but once the last extra kid goes home, hell’s let out for recess. Some day I’m tempted to write a list of every swear word I know, just to see how many there are.

And also, I will not be confined by your rules, internet meme! I just… my sleep-deprived brain couldn’t think of any interesting questions. Then I started to feel stressed about coming up with some. So I decided to break all the rules of internet meme-tag and not tag anyone else. Sorry, Carol. I tried. 🙂

 

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Responses

  1. Ooh, yeah, Robertson Davies. And I have a Master’s and took a fuck-ton (see? I like swearing too) of Canadian Lit. too. Come sit by me.

    Hardly surprised that blogging’s dead. It’s probably my fault for starting one. Sorry, blogging.

    And people who say nucular are dead to me. Well, not really, but they’re dumb to me.

  2. Allison: I love this: “Well, not really, but they’re dumb to me.” Laughing out loud.

    Hannah: I didn’t know you had an English degree! Me, too! Eons ago, mind you, but I have one.

    ‘Iron’ pronounced “eye-run” must be an east thing. The only person I knew who said it was from PEI. “Fillum”, however, is very rural Ontario, too. They don’t scream “stupid” to me, but they do scream “hick”. Ay-yup.

    I have a moderate potty mouth, myself, which, like yours, does not get expressed during working hours. I gather yours is more than moderate, though. One day we’ll have to have a drink (or two) together. 🙂

    • Oh, my swearing is not moderate. Not even a little. I mean, I’ve gotten much better now that I’m a mom & a care provider, but when left to my own devices I swear a LOT. I blame my parents. They always were – and still are – big into swearing.

  3. Trying hard not to have hurt feelings about not being tagged….

    How do you pronounce iron if not i-ron?

    Are we still friends?

    I had a crush on Reggie from Archie comics, true story.

    • Hey, I’m sure Carol wouldn’t mind if you want to answer these questions. I just honestly couldn’t come up with eleven new questions. You were top of my list when I was still considering tagging people, though! And I forgot about Reggie from Archie comics! I’d hit that. But to the more important point here, which is that I always knew everyone from Alberta was a redneck. Iron! Sort of sounds like “eyeurn” rather than “eye-RON”. We are still friends, but I am judging you HARSHLY. (Just kidding. You’d probably hate the way I use the word ‘right’ as punctuation. Example: “it’s right hot today” or “someone cut me off in traffic and it made me right savage”.)

  4. Do you say things are ‘some big’ too? I actually love that. I can’t believe you guys are lusting after Reggie – he’s such a conceited jerk. Then again, Archie’s kind of a lame-o. I probably would have gone for the big dumb guy. And my son learned all his swear words from my Mom and Dad, not me. Yes, I came back to read the comments and I’m commenting again. Loser!

    • I do say things are “some big”. Unless they are really really big, then they become “right some big” and my head explodes from the sheer grammatical awfulness.

  5. Oh Robertson Davies. Did you know they subjected us to his elite educated tripe in high school? No wonder students flock to Twilight. Anything is better than Davies. Or Heart of Darkness. Ugh.

    As far as swearing goes, it kills me that I work with students because I’m so scared of swearing. I’m okay when I blog, because I can plan ahead and use effin or some lame version. But I’m scared someday I’m going to drop a big fat F-bomb while subbing for elementary and then get blacklisted. (Though $#it is my favourite. It just slips out. Kind of like its namesake.)

    And darn it, I still say “I seen” because I hear it every day. I know better but I just can’t stop myself despite having two degrees in English. I wish they made a patch or pill for it.

  6. I still tell people the story of how Harry said “yeah, f&$%ing things” after you said “where are the darn ice cube trays?” back when he was two…

    I would love if more people answered these questions. This is fun!


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