I was all geared up to write an adult post about politics and how my community is totally getting shafted with boundary reviews at ALL THREE LEVELS OF GOVERNMENT, can I get an amen… but being around the Toddler Brigade this morning has lowered my IQ to the point where I actually cannot formulate an intelligent or coherent thought.
There are two viruses making the rounds in our area; a stomach bug which apparently is the worst thing this side of e.coli, and a head cold. So far we’ve only seen the head cold. It’s a funny one – slightly runny nose, sore throat lasting about 12 hours, lack of appetite. Never gets bad enough to put anyone in bed or keep them home, but definitely has the effect of making toddlers even more toddlerish than usual.
Pixie’s been sobbing & wailing, and spent ten minutes in the nap room to collect herself. Louis hasn’t wanted a single toy that someone else wasn’t already playing quietly and happily with first. And Luna was a half hour late, has wet herself already, and is bursting into tears every five minutes over nothing at all.
IT’S JUST BEEN A MAGICAL MORNING OF MYSTERY AND WONDER.
Louis is experimenting with pretending to be dumb – instructions need to be repeated two, three, four times; simple tasks that form part of the daily routine are suddenly beyond him; and the most basic manners – i.e., please and thank you – have disappeared from his vocabulary altogether. He has also become very chatty, which wouldn’t bother me IF he could actually have a conversation, or possibly tell me funny stories (toddler stories are usually funny). But no! His entire conversational repertoire is as follows:
Wha you doin’, Han-NAH?
Wha [other kid] have fo’ YUNCH?
Wha’s dat noise?
Wheah’s dat caaar goin’?
Is dat a helicopter? (while pointing up at what is clearly and entirely a goddamn helicopter. It flies overhead at the same time every day, and I’m actually thinking of shifting outdoor playtime to avoid the thing.)
He’s also big on ordering me around – he has to be reminded every. single. time to ask nicely when he needs things or wants help (for example, “can I have some water, please?” as opposed to “where’s my water?” which is his default position).
Now, imagine those same phrases and orders repeated on an endless loop from 8AM until 5:30PM, five days a week.
I am having a very hard time holding on to my temper in the face of his almost certainly willful obtuseness.
They’re napping now – naptime at least was not a struggle, and for this week anyway I’ve decided not to wake a sleeping toddler ever, I don’t care how long the nap is, if their parents won’t make sure they get enough healthy sleep I am not going to suffer for it any more, damn it – but man alive, what a week.
Is it Christmas break yet?