Posted by: Hannah | 09/19/2012

and again and again

I was all geared up to write an adult post about politics and how my community is totally getting shafted with boundary reviews at ALL THREE LEVELS OF GOVERNMENT, can I get an amen… but being around the Toddler Brigade this morning has lowered my IQ to the point where I actually cannot formulate an intelligent or coherent thought.

There are two viruses making the rounds in our area; a stomach bug which apparently is the worst thing this side of e.coli, and a head cold. So far we’ve only seen the head cold. It’s a funny one – slightly runny nose, sore throat lasting about 12 hours, lack of appetite. Never gets bad enough to put anyone in bed or keep them home, but definitely has the effect of making toddlers even more toddlerish than usual.

Pixie’s been sobbing & wailing, and spent ten minutes in the nap room to collect herself. Louis hasn’t wanted a single toy that someone else wasn’t already playing quietly and happily with first. And Luna was a half hour late, has wet herself already, and is bursting into tears every five minutes over nothing at all.


Louis is experimenting with pretending to be dumb – instructions need to be repeated two, three, four times; simple tasks that form part of the daily routine are suddenly beyond him; and the most basic manners – i.e., please and thank you – have disappeared from his vocabulary altogether. He has also become very chatty, which wouldn’t bother me IF he could actually have a conversation, or possibly tell me funny stories (toddler stories are usually funny). But no! His entire conversational repertoire is as follows:

Wha you doin’, Han-NAH?

Wha [other kid] have fo’ YUNCH?

Wha’s dat noise?

Wheah’s dat caaar goin’?

Is dat a helicopter? (while pointing up at what is clearly and entirely a goddamn helicopter. It flies overhead at the same time every day, and I’m actually thinking of shifting outdoor playtime to avoid the thing.)

He’s also big on ordering me around – he has to be reminded every. single. time to ask nicely when he needs things or wants help (for example, “can I have some water, please?” as opposed to “where’s my water?” which is his default position).

Now, imagine those same phrases and orders repeated on an endless loop from 8AM until 5:30PM, five days a week.

I am having a very hard time holding on to my temper in the face of his almost certainly willful obtuseness.

They’re napping now – naptime at least was not a struggle, and for this week anyway I’ve decided not to wake a sleeping toddler ever, I don’t care how long the nap is, if their parents won’t make sure they get enough healthy sleep I am not going to suffer for it any more, damn it – but man alive, what a week.

Is it Christmas break yet?



  1. I’m constantly asking my kids why they think it is that most shows they watch have to have at least one character in them that is, quite literally, too dumb to live. Maybe this is the answer – the writers have a toddler’s comic sensibilities. Sincere condolences, and wishes for Louis to move quickly into the senseless knock-knock jokes phase – they’re annoying, but better than this.

  2. Oh, you mean you are not the maid? I feel your pain! Today I so wanted to yell “LOOK WITH YOUR EYES, DAMN IT!” when my 4 yo dc boy asked what I was serving for lunch as I was putting it in front of him…Hope you get a pass on the stomach bug.

  3. I hereby nominate you for sainthood. No, really.
    And you are right, never, ever wake a sleeping toddler. I think it’s bad luck or something.

  4. My kids play “What’s your favourite?” all day. “Mom what’s your favourite *fill in the blank with something annoying*”. Tonight it was “If you ate meat, which of the following would you like the best: *humongous list of different meats.” ARGH.

    • Oh GOD, that would be crazy-making. And yours don’t leave at the end of the day!

  5. “if their parents won’t make sure they get enough healthy sleep I am not going to suffer for it any more”. AMEN! That has been my policy for at least ten years now. If a child is chronically sleep-deprived, I sit down and have the “let’s deal with this” conversation, and if I get no co-operation? The child’s genuine need for sleep gets top priority at my house, if nowhere else…

  6. p.s. You need one of these: (The sign, not the husband. You seem to have a pretty good one of those!)

    • Re-reading that post actually made me feel LOADS better. Because really, the Stupid Obvious Questions, combined with the Ordering Hannah About, have worn my patience to a thin sheen – with a few holes, even. There have probably been time-outs a little sooner than warranted, this week.

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