Posted by: Hannah | 11/01/2012

Over-Sharing Neighbour, Part 3

I’m one of those people who lies awake in the middle of the night, wishing I had the courage? conviction? absolute lack of give-a-shit? necessary to say what I’m really thinking.

It’s why I have a blog. If you guys don’t like what I have to say, you can click the big red “x” and come back another day.

In my head, I rock clip-on earrings.

However, I am also a people-pleaser and I loathe confrontation, so more often than not when I hear rank balls-out insane shit from people, I get a sort of pained grimace on my face and nod a lot, while going “hmm-mmm-ah” in a sort of non-committal, please-stop-talking-to-me voice.

This morning though – maybe it was the candy hangover, maybe it was November, maybe it was just that I’m sick and tired of having a sinus infection while listening to willful, defiant two year olds, but this morning I said exactly what I was thinking.

And thus I bring you the continuing saga of Over-Sharing Neighbour.

OSN is going to Disney World in four days. OSN lives in a rental house, her kids never have clothes that fit, their elderly minivan is in a constant state of needing repairs but there is “no money” to fix it – but they are going to Disney World. For two weeks. My kids have never been to Disney. My kids have never even been on an airplane. The ridiculous injustice of this scenario has been pissing me off since the first day of school, when she just couldn’t wait to tell us all about the trip. We are careful with our money, we have a budget, we are consumer-debt free and trying to stay that way. We are planning to go to Florida – Harry Potter World, here we come! – in probably three years, but in the meantime we’re pinching the pennies a little, and sometimes delayed gratification and being responsible JUST SUCKS.

Anyway, they’re going. Fine. And for two months she has done nothing – NOTHING – but bitch and complain about the trip. Her husband is no fun at Disney because he likes to stick to a schedule. She’s concerned about the amount of school her son is going to miss. She hates flying. It’s the end of storm season. And on and on and ON until even Harry asked me one day why she’s going if she hates it so much.

Why indeed.

This morning as the bus was pulling away, she put on her Very Dramatic Face and announced “I am not going on our trip!” and then she smirked, which is what she always does when she says something intended to cause Shock and Awe.

Because I never learn, I said “oh? Why not?”

Her reason? Her stepson is on deck to house-sit and look after her dog, and [dramatic pause] “… he is NOT RELIABLE and I don’t want to come home to a DEAD DOG.”

Oh, what the fuck, honestly?

“Can’t you put her in a kennel?” I said, innocently.

“FOR TWO WEEKS??!?!”

“We board our dog at a fantastic place when we go away. He’s been there for two weeks before and loves it.”

“BUT THE COST!”

“You are going to Disney World for two weeks. The kennel will cost $19 a day. You can’t tell me that amount of money will break you.”

In the face of such reasonableness and logic, she immediately retreated to doubling-down on the stupid.

“I refuse. I am staying home. Husband can take the kids and go. I’ll stay home with my dog.”

*head explodes*

And that’s when I just thought no. NO. I have listened to this woman complain, grouse, bitch, chew and moan for TOO LONG NOW.

“Look, you tell me at least once a week that you can’t leave the dog and your two year old in the house with your husband for ten minutes so you can bring your six year old to meet the bus. You tell me all the time, whether I want to hear it or not, that he is irresponsible and can’t be trusted. And now you’re telling me that you’ll send him to Florida with them for two weeks? Come off it.”

My inner goddess jumped up and down and cheered. (50 Shades reference! Represent!)

“Fine then,” she said, getting desperate now. “I’ll keep them home, and he can find two friends to go with him.”

GAAAAA WHY ARE YOU SUCH A FUCKING DRAMA-QUEEN, AND ALSO AN IDIOT.

“Do you hear yourself? You are going to tell your children that they can’t go to Disney World because you don’t want to put your dog in a kennel? You are putting your dog ahead of your children. How do you think that will sound to your 6 year old? How do you think it sounds to me right now? You are not making sense, Over-Sharing Neighbour. This is none of my goddamn business but you keep trying to make it my business so I am telling you now – you are talking crazy-talk.”

And then I turned on my heel with my line of dayhome ducklings behind me and marched home.

And it felt so good.

Usually after speaking my mind I get shaky from delayed reaction and the adrenaline dump; not this time. I just felt good that I finally told her she’s nuts, and that was two hours ago and I still feel just fine.

Also, I am really looking forward to two weeks at the bus stop without her.

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Responses

  1. I love this story. You have boosted my courage for the “next time” in one of those situations and I have all the right come backs only after I walk away. Nicely played! Why should she have all the fun ; )

    • Thanks! It was – dare I say it – fun. The look on her face was pretty priceless.

  2. first of all the picture is the best pic ever- but this is hilarious- and good for you- wow,

    • Isn’t that great?? I want to get it on a t-shirt.

  3. *snickers* Good for YOU!! Someone needed to tell that crazy woman not to put her dog ahead of her kids. She seems nuts. I hate nutty neighbors. I have one. She’s crazy in a different way. There is no putting anything to do with reason in her skull. LOL.

    Cheers, Jenn

    • We were so disappointed when she turned out to be crazy, because it would have been great for my kids to have a friend their own age next door. Alas, it’s not to be.

  4. Go you!!!

  5. Oooh, Hannah! No residual shakes? No sick-to-the-leaden-stomach? You are living MY DREAM! Well, done!

    • Nothing. Not even a twinge. Not even when I remind myself that I have to see her at the bus stop again in two hours. Just merriment.

  6. WELL DONE!

    Was she trying to guilt you into dog-sitting for the 2 weeks?

    • Oh, I think so, absolutely. See, her mom was supposed to be dog-sitting but that fell through about a week ago, and ever since it’s been a litany of woe about who will look after the dog. Followed by transparent-as-a-wet-Kleenex musings about how nice it is that her dog and my dog get along.

  7. If she wasn’t bat-shit crazy, we could dog-sit. But she is, and we aren’t encouraging that kind of ‘relationshipness’ are we? 🙂

    • I know, right? I would happily dog-sit for any number of people I know. But not her. I can just imagine where that would lead. *shudder*

  8. Good for you!! Normally I would say you can’t reason with crazy, but at least you can get some amusment out of it 😀

    • It’s true, you can’t. I’m really curious now to see what if anything she says about it this afternoon.

  9. That is so awesome. You’re my hero. I am in AWE, absolute awe. Also I’m in the bad-kind-of-awe about how horrible your neighbour is. Good for you for telling her what you think. I bet she won’t be over-sharing now! At least, one would hope.

    • “‘Cause I am the wind, beneath your wings”. I just got back from the afternoon bus pickup. “Husband and I compromised” she announced. “Our friend will be taking the dog.” Which spawns two thoughts: one, fuck, I really thought that would get her to stop telling me things; and two, if that was an option all along, the drama level is even more over-the-top than I originally thought. GAAAAA.

  10. You are so iron-clad awesome I would do a cheer for you if I wasn’t so dizzy and out of it I’m afraid I would trip and take out a row of pots and pans. Also, it’s half horrifying and half amusing how oblivious she is that she would go on blithely babbling about her stupid life even after you said that. I’m grudgingly wishing for a little bit of her non-self-consciousness also. What a twit.

    • Wouldn’t it be interesting to be so completely oblivious and clueless? Even if only for a few days? (I’m sorry you’re feeling crummy. We’ll take a raincheck on the cheer until you’re feeling better.)

  11. Holy crap, good for you.

    One of Benn’s aunts didn’t come to our wedding because she didn’t want to leave her beagles. But we weren’t hurt because she didn’t go to her OWN SON’S WEDDING because she didn’t want to leave her beagles.

    That’s MESSED UP, and this is coming from someone who fully counts her fur babies and children number one and two.

    I don’t think I could ever put Beloved Dog in a kennel. He’s high strung, and I would bribe every friend I had before I would resort to a kennel.

    But if all my friends exploded and it was CANCEL DISNEYLAND or put him in a kennel… I’d find him a really great doggy daycare with room to play outside every day, and kiss him and that would be it.

    Because priorities, man.

    Oh, and while you’re in a tell-off mood, can you call the guy who showed up at my clinic the other day with a zap strap around his dog’s tumour, which had turned black and become necrotic, because “if you tie off warts they fall off, right?”

  12. You rule. I kept waiting for the part where you said “all in my head, of course” and then I realized you were saying it OUT LOUD. So awesome.

  13. […] Part 3 […]


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