Posted by: Hannah | 12/15/2012

perspective

Today we went for breakfast at a restaurant, baked muffins, decorated the gingerbread house, and took the dog for a ramble in the woods while big fluffy Christmas-movie snowflakes fell. Joking around as I bundled everybody back into the van I said “wow, we’ve done a lot today! I’m FunMommy when I don’t have all those extra kids to worry about!” To which Harry replied “yeah, then you’re AngryMommy”.

OUCH.

I realize that through the week I am more abrupt and less likely to just drop everything to have fun, because I’m too busy with The Business of Running the Family™. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon, because there are just so many things to keep track of, so many individual bits & pieces that go into making sure everyone is clothed, fed, and where they need to be when they need to be there.

In fact I bust my ass Monday to Friday so that on the weekends I can relax and play.

I’d like to say I had no idea that my intensity through the week was coming across as anger, but that would be dishonest. I worried that it did, but no one ever mentioned it so I figured I was getting away with it.

Guess not.

I have to be more mindful. Even when it’s hard, I have to try.

 

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Responses

  1. Sometimes we have to just keep the trains running on time, you know? And sometimes that means we’re more abrupt than we want to be.

    It sounds like a really nice day, today.

    • Today was lovely. And at dinner Ron ate four (!!) fajitas because he was so hungry from all the activity. But it rattled me, what Harry said. I need to be more careful. I’ve got everything running like a fine Swiss watch but so what, if the kids are getting caught in the gears.

  2. When I was a young-squirt lawyer, I had been appointed as a Guardian ad Litem for some elementary aged kids in a custody battle. During the trial, AS I was questioning the father, whom I found intimidating, the judge called me up to the bench. Covering the microphone, he asked me if anything was wrong (he had been a professor of mine in law school and had specifically selected me to be the GAL for the kids in this case). I told him that nothing was wrong. “Then why are you looking so mean?” he asked. I was startled. I told him I didn’t feel mean, but I WAS very nervous. “Fine” he said, “Go on. Just try to smile more.” GAH. It is true though, when I get frustrated or nervous or irritated, my lips thin out and I REALLY do have a mean face.

    • Ringo Starr said once “I’m not gloomy, it’s just me face”. Replace “gloomy” with “annoyed” and well, I guess that’s me. Oops.


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