Posted by: Hannah | 12/17/2012

where do we go now

EightmoresleepseightmoresleepsEIGHTMORESLEEPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love my children. Some would say it’s too soon to wish they could be just a little quieter. I saw a lot of posts this weekend about kids basically eating frosting gobs for breakfast, popcorn for dinner, bouncing off the walls and watching lots of television because the Newtown massacre reminded us all how lucky we are to have happy, healthy, noisy children.

On Saturday, as I mentioned, I was Merry Christmas FunMommy, Festive Elf of Awesome.

Unfortunately, by Sunday I’d burned out my introverted batteries AND the house was a mess. The kids had developed a taste for FunMommy and wanted to see more of her, wherever she went. Baby G was inexplicably screamy and has reached the “toys are stupid but dog food, recycling, and tree ornaments are swell” stage of development. I have some family things on my mind which kind of overwhelmed me yesterday.

It was… not a good day.

And heavily laden into it all was a heaping dose of guilt, because those parents in Newtown – or any parent who has lost a child – would give anything to hear their own little ones yelling and hopping and throwing bouncy balls against the ceiling over and over and OVER.

I’m struggling a bit today. My Christmas spirit is wobbling. I hope I can find it again.

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Responses

  1. After six years of trying to have children I, more than most, knew just how grateful I should be for every aspect of our baby’s existence (especially as friends made through IVF had to come to terms with childlessness). I soon realised, though, that this knowledge doesn’t make the sleeplessness, or the feral poos, or all the hard parts to parenting any less hard. My gratefulness might give me a bit more patience, but at times it has also made me question why we had tried so hard for so long to have children if it was going to be such a miserable endeavour for extended periods of time.

    We can be grateful, but also exhausted. We can cherish, but also be annoyed. We can want to keep them close, but need to have some space. Children are demanding, whether they mean to be or not, and whether we have the resources to deal with them or not.

    Be gentle on yourself.

  2. I have nothing to add, I just wanted to send some virtual hugs XOXO

  3. Quadrelle is absolutely right. A tragedy may put our challenges into perspective, might give you a little more patience with them … but doesn’t make them any less genuinely challenging.

    The children here have been loud, loud, loud, loud, loud all the live-long day, and didn’t Daniel’s mother ask me to try no to nap him, and so don’t I have THREE children awake during (HAHAHAHAHA) “quiet” time.

    I am weary. I love the little monkeys, but I am weary, and no, I am not appreciating them a whole helluva lot today. This does not make me a bad human being. Even more telling, my own children, unlike yours, are not counting the sleeps till Santa, do not require me to tend to their needs, and will even make their own dinner — and clean the kitchen — if they know I’ve had a particularly gruelling day. Without being asked.

    If I can be weary and worn (without guilt!), how much more can you, mother of wee little’uns! Five more sleeps till your break. Guilt-free. You’ve earned it!


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