Posted by: Hannah | 02/13/2013

egg, bacon, and spam

Bit of a creative roadblock lately because I’m trying to catch up on two seasons’ worth of The Walking Dead while still eating, sleeping, and mothering.

It’s taxing.

So I’m dipping into my spam comments again for another “review of fake comments” post.

Cheap tactic? Maybe. But someone out there is taking the time to craft these things, so the least I can do is give them some airplay – because I sure as hell am not going to click any of the helpful links they’ve included for my edification.

Do you have a spam problem on this blog; I also am a blogger, and I was curious about your situation; we have developed some nice methods and we are looking to trade strategies with others, be sure to shoot me an email if interested. – Diet Plans for Women

Oh yes, Diet Plans for Women, I’m sure you’re a blogger who has a problem with spam. Is your problem that your comments always get marked as spam? I am so sad for you, Diet Plans for Women. It must be very hard to be so misunderstood.

Please when you’re posting, do it carefully not to say the wrong thing. – Lista de Emails

That is excellent advice, Lista de Emails. But is that name really Spanish? It sounds like a frat boy in an Adam Sandler comedy pretending to be Spanish. “No speaka de Engleesh, Lista de Emails”.

Ahaa, its fastidious dialogue concerning this post here at this webpage, I have read all that, so now me also commenting at this place. – Best Popcorn

Please, Best Popcorn, tell me which Chinese-to-English online translator you used to come up with this little gem, so that I may avoid it completely – fastidiously, even – forevermore. Also, if you make popcorn like you craft a sentence, I’m thinking your claim to be the best at it might be exaggerated to a criminal degree.

My 3 year old dog hates the cold weather and refuses to go outside to go to toilet. Help. I am at the end of my tether. – Idebenone

Now, this one nearly sucked me in, because when I first read it, my brain eliminated the words “dog” and “outside”. See? Take those out and it seems like a totally on-point plea for help from a parent who obviously found me via my many posts about toilet training. But then my brain put back the word “outside”. I had to read it a third time to pick up the word “dog”… although given how Louis has been handling the potty thing lately, it’s perhaps not surprising that I contemplated just putting him outside to go to the toilet.

Wow Sid, what an incredible amount of unecessary work. Just whip your pants off, whip up a batch of baby batter, and wipe it up with a towel. Or an old sock, or anything else that wont show a stain. Most guys just use whatever is lying around. And Sid, really, get over it and grab your johnson with your own hand. Its not gross, its your dink !!! And sperm isnt poisonous, its designed to be squirted inside of someone else. It cant be toxic. – Glenn J. Murphy

Oh Glenn. This falls soundly under the heading of “TMI”. There is just so much about this that horrifies me, but particularly “most guys just use whatever is lying around”. EWWWWWWWW.  Also, Sid, do you really want to be taking sex tips from someone who apparently can’t say the word ‘penis’?

Keep functioning, great job! – Amedar

Some days, Amedar, ‘functioning’ is about all I can do. But thanks for the pep talk.

And finally:

Nice site over here! I’ll just wanna say thanks for that. If you like to visit my website check it out! thanks for visiting! – Sexdating

That is possibly the most ridiculous username I’ve ever seen. You want to be taken seriously, spambot? Perhaps have a username that is “Mr. Serious” or “John Smith”. “Sexdating” is just idiotic. You are not fooling anyone, Sexdating.


What’s your favourite spam comment right now? You have any that beat Glenn’s wonderful jerk-off advice?





  1. What is Glenn up to? I mean, is he desperately seeking Sid? And why does Sid need his advice so bad that he has to go to random blogs to give it to him?

    I’m functioning, too. Barely.

    • I know, right? I’m frankly curious about Sid’s original post, whatever it read.

  2. On the whole, I think you get a better quality and range of spam than I do. Who do I see about that?

    • Use more swears? Try to work the word “poop” into every second post? I dunno. :p

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