Posted by: Hannah | 11/16/2013

nine things

It’s like 2006, because everyone on Facebook is suddenly posting lists of random things about themselves as their status updates.

I loved 2006, man! Internet memes were the best.

Nicole took her list to her blog, and offered to give a number to anyone who wanted to play. She’s asked me for a list of nine things. NINE. She’s got more faith in my ability to talk about myself than I do.

  1. I have an unhealthy fascination with terrible shows on TLC. (Remember when “TLC” stood for “The Learning Channel”? Yeah. Wow.) I’ve watched more than one episode season of 19 Kids and Counting, Little People Big World, Hoarding: Buried Alive, Sister Wives, and The Little Couple. The hate-watch them all. I know they are all heavily-scripted tripe about largely unsympathetic outliers in their own communities (maybe not that last one) and yet I can’t seem to look away. I knew I’d reached a new nadir of personal shame when I caught five minutes of their “newest hit” Extreme Cheapskates – people who are so repulsively (and compulsively) addicted to saving a few pennies that they will eat canned cat food instead of tuna fish or put their clothes into someone else’s machine at the laundromat. I did regain my sanity and change the channel… but I did click on it in the first place.
  2. Most evenings when all my lady-friends on Twitter are talking about #wine, and I’m agreeing cheerfully, I’m actually drinking #beer. If I just sit down and drink a glass of wine, I get logy and pre-drunk after about one glass. If I drink two glasses, I wake up with a headache. 
  3. I love things to be tidy, but my own bedroom is always a mess. Like the ‘before’ shot in those home-organization shows where the hapless homeowner says they want their bedroom to be “an oasis” or “a retreat” but first they need to get rid of 10 baskets of clothes no one wears and a piece of ugly heirloom furniture from their mother-in-law.
  4. I over-analyze children’s cartoons to keep myself amused when I’m sharing TV time with the kids. Thus my theory that Nonny from Bubble Guppies is meant to represent a child on the autism spectrum, or my annoyance that sharks are “bad” on The Octonauts while all other forms of ocean life need saving.
  5. I am a total snob about coffee. I brew a pot every morning from this local coffee roaster even though it costs a small fortune. It’s so bad now that when I have one of my sudden fits of Imperative Frugality and buy something cheaper, I am filled with regret and acid indigestion until Michael takes pity on me and brings home another bag of the good stuff. This cycle repeats every four to six months.
  6. In my entire life I’ve had two professional pedicures and one manicure. I love them but can’t ever justify the expense to myself.
  7. My preferred method of Christmas decorating is “the more, the merrier”. Sterile, all-white decor themes just leave me cold. Give me lots of red, green, silver, gold. Jolly snowmen. Santas. ONE MILLION LIGHTS. When you watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation you’re supposed to mock Clark Griswold’s exterior lights, but every year I just think wow, I wish I could do that.
  8. I haven’t watched Saturday Night Live since the mid-90s. I don’t know if that makes me culturally irrelevant or a hipster.
  9. Love Actually is one of my favourite Christmas movies to watch alone with a glass of Bailey’s and a cuddly blanket. This past week was the 10th anniversary of its release and all of a sudden it was The Thing to tear it to pieces – and I actually had to stop myself from entering into passionate and irrational defense of it. People, I get it. The Keira Knightley / Andrew Lincoln storyline is kind of questionable and also now that I am a big fan of The Walking Dead I suspect that I will give Rick Grimes showing up to steal his best friend’s wife even more of a side-eye than I used to, but Colin Firth! Hugh Grant in probably his last delightfully-charming leading man role! Alan Rickman even if he does play a giant dickhead! LIAM NEESON, people!

Whew. OK. Anyone want to play? Leave a comment and I’ll give you a number between 5 and 10.

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Responses

  1. I love Love Actually too – it’s become standard Christmas season viewing here, along with Die Hard. For me, it’s Emma Thompson – she is sheer genius. I was reading an article about the movie with the director just last week, and he was saying that for the scene where she sobs to Joni Mitchell, he had no direction at all – he just told her he needed her to go deep and find the reaction inside herself – and she did it over and over again for many takes. AMAZING.

    Plus: Bilbo Baggins naked!! That’s gold right there.

    • Oh, Emma Thompson. Love her. Michael has had a giant crush on her since she did The Tall Guy and I really can’t fault him.

      The Martin Freeman storyline is one of my favourites. So adorable.

  2. We’re supposed to make fun of Clark’s lights?

    I’ve never seen Love, Actually. I should remedy this. My fave Christmas movie – other than Elf, of course, and Little Women – is When Harry Met Sally. Actually it’s my fave ever.

    Love this list! You’re so cute with your coffee. I’m drinking Kirkland signature from Costco right now. 🙂 I’m a coffee hobo.

    • Kirkland?? Pass the Tums, love.

      Apparently we’re supposed to think Clark goes overboard. *shrugs* I don’t see it, personally.

  3. Well I unabashedly love Love Actually and I refuse to feel even remotely guilty about I. So there.

    After my 50th reading of Sargeant Murphy’s Busy Day, I find myself feeling irritated on Sgt. Murphy’s behalf that Flo woke him up at 5:30 am to telling him his fucking whistle was at the police station. Seriously Flo? He’ll find it when he gets there, let the poor man (dog) sleep. I may also have decided that Kate in Max and Kate, a series in Ladybug magazine, is insufferable. I really need Youngest to get older so I can step away from certain stories forever evidently.

    • George has this horrible book that someone gave him called “Charlie Saves the Day”. It’s about a train named Charlie. The story’s internal logic doesn’t hold up, and it KILLS me. Every time. So naturally it’s his favourite book at the moment and I have to read it multiple times a day. *weeps*

  4. Colin Firth… Sigh. I adore him. My love for him is only matched by my love of snobby coffee too. Since I’ve been working full-time, I have been buying the Just-Us coffee too. And you work with children all day… You DESERVE the good stuff. Maxwell just doesn’t cut it.

  5. I do the exact same thing with kids’ books as you do with their television shows. I also edit truly annoying books as I read them so they say sensible, not stupid, things. Or they say cleverly stupid things for my amusement. (You’re safe! George can’t read! He’ll never know… Sadly, you can’t do it with this book because he undoubtedly has the damned thing memorized, but I’m sure there are more annoying books in your future.)

  6. “YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKED KARL!!!” what I think whenever I see Laura Linney in any role. That movie would’ve been better without her character, I mean she doesn’t even have a final airport happily ever after scene. There should be less Sara and Michael and Karl AND MORE COLIN FRISSELL! I may feel very strongly about this.

    I hate Xmas lights. But you already knew that. However, my anti-Xmas light feelings are not nearly as strong as my “YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKED KARL!!!” feelings. It’s really going to be my go-to measure of my feeeeeeelings.

    • YES MORE COLIN FRISSELL. I completely agree. And the Laura Linney storyline is probably my least favourite – so much so that I actually forget about it every year between viewings, and then I see Laura Linney and I think “ohhh shit, yeah. THIS PART.”


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