I was thinking of picking apart Gywneth Paltrow’s goop gift guide, because have you seen this thing? It’s certifiably insane. It makes Oprah’s gift guide look like a haven of sensible gift-giving options.
My personal favourite is the LL Bean monogrammed canvas tote. I actually love those totes. “Huh,” I thought, “that’s surprisingly down-market.” Then I realized that the recommendation is to buy one so you can fill it with other gifts. She doesn’t recommend a size but I’ll bet she’s thinking the extra-large one, which can hold up to 500 pounds and is nearly a foot high and a foot wide, and costs $40 not including monogramming or shipping.
Yeah, she doesn’t inhabit the same air space as the rest of us, honestly.
Anyway, then I realized a) how long the list is, and b) how many blogs and online sources are mocking it, and decided I just didn’t have it in me. Besides…
I just can’t mock today! I took the boys to this wee parade last night and we had a festively-delightful time. George was completely overwhelmed by it all and just kept yelling “heah comes ANUDDER ONE!” every time a new float went by. All of the parade participants were smiling, high-fiving kids along the route, yelling “Merry Christmas!” – it warmed my heart, and even the slightly-bizarre church float featuring a lighthouse, a palm tree, a nativity, AND a giant cross seemed charming rather than unsettling.
My favourite moment came early on – the parade hadn’t even started yet. We were sitting on the curb and I was wearing a bright red toque. A family walked by, with a little boy – he looked maybe three – in a stroller. He glanced my way, his little face lit up, and he waved frantically while screaming “HI SANTA! HI SANTA!”
I have never been mistaken for Santa before. It was The. Best. I would totally be a mall Santa if I could.
I asked the kids what activities make the holiday season and it’s a pretty reasonable list, as long as we stick to our “one a week” schedule. They want to:
- make a gingerbread house
- decorate gingerbread men
- have me make The Best Sugar Cookies, Ever (or as Harry has started calling them, “tea cookies”)
- get the tree and have their aunt come to help decorate it (Santa hats for all have been requested)
- make Nicole’s grandmother’s ginger cookies (I’m noticing a theme here with cookies)
- decorate the house inside and out
That list is totally doable.
Michael has requested a grasshopper pie, which I find absolutely reprehensible but he loves and can only indulge in once a year. (They taste like boozy toothpaste. Ugh.) I don’t love sweets at Christmas so much as I love savouries, so I’m going to make my favourite cheese ball and get some nice crackers so I don’t just eat the damn thing off a festive cheese knife like I did once.
So far it looks like I’ll only have two extra kids here for Christmas Eve morning instead of four – Pixie and Louis are both staying home that day, which is lovely – and I’m closing at noon, so BOOYAH, I say.
On Saturday I bought five pounds of butter. It’s ON, people.