Posted by: Hannah | 07/25/2014

too dumb to hate-watch

You probably all remember just how much I hate, loathe, and abominate E.L. James’ 50 Shades of Gray series.

In case you’ve forgotten, here’s a refresher:

50 Shades of Gray – hated it.

50 Shades Darker – hated it so much I got the title wrong in my original post.

50 Shades Freed – when my hatred crossed over from “jesus this is stupid” to “holy shit this book glorifies abuse”

They are just terrible using every objective measurement, from the piss-poor editing to the bad writing, from the total misunderstanding of D/s relationships to the promotion of the idea that love isn’t true & real unless one partner is miserable all the goddamn time.


The first movie trailer hit the interwebs this week, so suddenly it’s back in the news again… and will be, I’m guessing, until it comes out in February and earns one thousand million zillion dollars.

I resisted watching the trailer for days, until my prurient curiosity got the better of me. I went to YouTube and watched this video. It’s  SFW but embedding was blocked, sorry about that.

I watched the whole thing until I realized it isn’t actually a movie trailer – it’s a watch commercial. A watch commercial tagged “50 Shades Official Trailer”, mind you.


So I searched again, and after finding an Audi commercial disguised as a trailer… and a helicopter commercial disguised as a trailer… and some badly-lit homemade porn disguised as trailers… I finally found this:

Which is NSFW, obviously, but also really boring. I can’t imagine paying cash money to sit through two hours of that.


My point is… I deliberated hate-watching them. The suggestion was made on Twitter yesterday that anyone who did go hate-watch should atone by donating twice the ticket price to a local women’s shelter, and I thought about it, but I just can’t. I’m still recovering from the experience of reading the stupid books, I can’t imagine watching the movies, unless I had a gaggle of like-minded folks to go with me and I smuggled in a mickey of rye to pour into my over-priced movie theatre Coke.




  1. Haven’t read the books, just no interest whatsoever. I heard enough about them early on that I knew that it wouldn’t be for me. I couldn’t even hate-read them.

  2. Have managed to avoid reading the books or watching the trailer and won’t be seeing the movies because I can hardly make it to the movies I really WANT to see. Plus, Jamie Dornan was so very VERY creepy in The Fall that I just don’t think I can see him in any kind of “romantic” role at all. I would, however, like to watch him and Gillian Anderson more in a second season of The Fall.

  3. Haven’t read them. LOVED your posts on them though.
    Wouldn’t go to the movies of them. nope. not ever.

  4. I would hate watch it with you. In fact I would love to. And then donate to a battered woman shelter.

  5. In fact if you came HERE we could watch it in the VIP theatre where they will actually deliver the alcohol to your seat, which is a cushy lazy boy.

    • Jesus, even the movie theatres are Shangri-La out there on the west coast!

      This would actually be a hilariously awful night out. I’m kinda bummed that it can’t happen. 😀

      • Me too. You are welcome in Lotusland ANY time.

  6. I just watched the trailer and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……..sorry, what was that? I never read the books and I certainly don’t plan to watch the movies either!

  7. I was hoping you would chime in. I thoroughly enjoyed your reviews on the books and give you major props for even being able to finish (I couldn’t) I saw the actors on the Today Show. They asked the girl if she saw Anastisa in herself and of course, she did. YIKES. I wondered if she read the books or just the script.

  8. I haven’t read the books and I OWN the first one (some poor misguided friend gave it to me for my birthday). I’ve considered reading it just to be able to eviscerate it because I dislike when people who haven’t actually read something denigrate it – usually. In this case, I’m comfortable with it.

  9. Thankfully, I can ‘hate’ from afar. Definitely not going to support such garbage. Good blogging!

  10. Well, you could always hate watch it after it’s released on dvd/itunes/whatever with a bunch of friends and turn it into a drinking game. I’d be in for that.

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