Posted by: Hannah | 08/19/2014

there goes the neighbourhood

We have new neighbours. The elderly couple who lived right next door have moved to some kind of assisted-living scenario and gave their house to one of their adult children and his family. Oh lord. They have two large dogs who spent the first couple of weeks ‘adjusting’, or ‘whining all day long while kept in a backyard cage, escalating to panicked alarm-barking every time one of us stepped onto our own deck’. They have been doing a prolonged renovation project which involves liberal use of the word ‘fuck’ – imagine if every time there should be a comma in your English speech all day long, you said ‘fuck’ instead – and smoking so much pot that Otto the Bus Driver would be horrified.

I’m sure that power tools and marijuana should always go together. ALWAYS.

We are just back to normal today after our summer “staycation” and we had a blast. (Sorry for using a made-up word, but at least it was ‘staycation’, not ‘nakation’, which is one I heard today to describe the rise in nudist-friendly vacation resorts.) The kids are exhausted. Our vacation money cookie jar is depleted. I have a fabulous tan and all of us have sunstreaks in our hair. I think we’re all ready to get back to the normal routine, though.

There’s probably a vacation recap post coming. And a Harry’s 9th birthday post even though that was last month. And oh! I went on a job interview and that, my friends, is at least two blog posts right there (short version: if I’m going to have my life in the hands of petty tyrants I want them to at least be the sort I can put in a time-out). But I’ve gotten out of the habit of writing, and my brain is covered in cobwebs.

Some random thoughts just to get me moving again:

  • Guardians of the Galaxy is probably the best comic book movie ever and even if you don’t like comic book movies you should go see it right now. NOW. Seriously. Be prepared to have “Hooked on a Feeling” stuck in your head for several days afterward.
  • Harry’s baseball team narrowly won their quarterfinal game and are now waiting for a break in the weather so they can play their semi. In other news, I ate an entire bag of stress chips yesterday. (Today I’ve been super-virtuous, because you can’t let one little bag of stress chips and two weeks of vacation eating derail your healthy eating plans).
  • Pixie is leaving the dayhome as of mid-September, so I’m the hunt for a new client. It’s been a long time since I had to go looking for new kids – it should be interesting.
  • Ron thinks “Up All Night to Get Lucky” is about “drinking beer, or maybe getting married.” Harry thought it was about going to the casino, but then he asked what it actually meant so I told him. One of parenting’s little moments of payback is watching the horrified expression on your kid’s face when he realizes that every time he sang along to a song he was actually talking about Teh Sex.
  •  I got an email from Target Canada through this blog, asking me to review some of their products. I’m not proud! School is starting and, well, it’s more expensive every year. Want another reason why Target Canada is not succeeding? They are offering product to review all right – on loan. And they will give interviews. In other words, I provide space on my personal blog for free to shill their product and in return I get the hassle of borrowing (and then returning!) products that I may or may not need. Go home, Target Canada. You’re drunk.

Back to school in two weeks from tomorrow! Guess I’d better buy poor Harry some new pants. The child has grown many, many inches since last fall and even the “we’ll buy these big” pants are now too short. Oy.



  1. My name is Otto. I love getting blotto.

    I’ve been waiting for you to blog so I have so much to say. First of all, people who keep their dogs in a kennel – especially an OUTDOOR KENNEL – all day should get a nail gun to the doped-up head. WTF.

    You went on a job interview? I did not know that.

    I get similar emails re: advertising shit on my blog. Some of them are truly weird. Like, why would I want to make myself a photo of myself wearing a baseball cap? That is an actual email I got just last week. I’m still looking at it with narrowed eyes, trying to figure that out. Baseball? Me? I can see if YOU got something like that. Or Allison. But me?

    • A baseball cap? Any particular kind of baseball cap? I could take a picture of myself wearing a baseball cap every single day for the next month and never wear the same cap twice. There are SO MANY in this house.

      I would post a picture of the ‘kennel’ if that wasn’t a gross invasion of privacy. They made it themselves out of rusty metal fence panels and the old front door from the house, turned upside down. KLASSY.

  2. Maybe Target would be willing to loan you some pants? 😉

    • If Target would be willing to GIVE me some pants, I’d lie like a cheap rug extolling their virtues. Back to school is so expensive! Especially when the children basically need their entire winter wardrobe bought Right Now, before everything sells out.

  3. “short version: if I’m going to have my life in the hands of petty tyrants I want them to at least be the sort I can put in a time-out” – HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA yes.

    I’m going to hug my neighbours now. I’m pretty sure if they ever smoked pot it would be with me.

    “Nakation”? Really? That’s a thing now? Oy.

    And yes, fuck off Target, sincerely. I got a weird one the other day that I TOTALLY can’t remember now. I am also rusty. Glad your staycation was good, sad summer is ending, over the MOON that I will see you again in a few weeks.

    • I can’t believe we’re all going to be together again! SO EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      And yes, “nakation”. I saw the link to a news article about a place in Vermont where the resort visitors swim, golf, and – heaven help us all – play Ultimate Frisbee in the nude.

  4. “if I’m going to have my life in the hands of petty tyrants I want them to at least be the sort I can put in a time-out.”

    Best.Line.Ever. It keeps popping into my head, and I burst out laughing. Again and again. Last time it happened, I had a mouthful of tea. Ouch. Mess.

    Apparently Germans are enthusiastic nudists. They have nude beaches and resorts, of course. They also have an airline that offers nude travel. And, get this: naked rock-climbing. There are so many things wrong with that last one, I don’t know where to begin…

    (How do I know this? Research a few years back for honeymoon destinations for ‘naturists’, when I was working for that wedding blog.)

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