Well, I guess NaBloPoMo didn’t really happen this year.
I did try. I had the best of intentions. I know that I need to write more often, and more thoughtfully, or I’m never going to get any better.
This November, though. This November is kicking my ass.
They say write what you know, and especially during a “post a day” challenge, you ending up writing about your own day to day life. This past couple of weeks we’ve had a run of bad luck, and so I’ve been blogging about it. Some of those posts have been hard to write. A lot of them I don’t ever want to read again. My anxiety levels have been pretty high since the time change, and spending what is supposed to be my leisure time dwelling on things that will make me even more anxious is counterproductive.
In the past few days I’ve been systematically and thoroughly decluttering neglected spots in the house, then giving the area a deep cleaning before I move on to the next one. I find it relaxing to bring order from chaos, so this has been helping. I’ve also binged on two full seasons of The Mindy Project, which is probably the most adorable rom-com TV show ever. There is something very restful about spending a little time with happy fun characters I can relate to. It has measurably improved my mood and outlook, to the point that Michael noticed my return to being a happy pleasant person instead of a sad, angry woman with a short fuse.
Related: I have given up on Breaking Bad. I just couldn’t. There are no sympathetic characters on that show, except maybe Hank, but that’s not enough to keep me tuning in. Even Jesse Pinkman has become frankly unbearable, what with his crying and his dependence and his total refusal to just take the money and go. My brain realized I shouldn’t be watching it before I did, because there were many nights that I sat down, all ready to go, and I would immediately fall asleep ten minutes in. I just… I want it over. The original premise – very smart guy needs money to pay for potentially life-saving cancer treatment, decides to cook meth – I found intriguing. Everything that’s happened since the beginning of season four is just a big ol’ NOPE for me. I found The Wire tough to watch, too, but at least I could understand why all the terrible people on that show lived the way they did. On Breaking Bad I honestly think most of the characters have inconsistent or ill-defined motivations now, and that’s just frustrating.
About the only character I don’t dislike right now is Holly. Poor Holly, the perpetually-contained baby. For months she was always always ALWAYS in either a carseat or a cradle. Now that she’s the age of a busy toddler, she’s always in a playpen. It distracts me, the whereabouts of Holly.
Anyway! Like I always do at the end of NaBloPoMo, I am promising to write more often… but every day is proving a chore, and not fun, and for the sake of my mental health right now I’m all about avoiding things that are not fun.