It’s March 4th. We’ve had two snowstorms already in March.
Fuck you, March. You’re drunk. I expected better from you, March.
And so this morning before breakfast or even before coffee I was shoveling the driveway. Again. I was shoveling because Halifax is in a three-week snow/rain/freeze cycle, and my garage door is firmly embedded in a couple inches of ice. Everything inside the garage is trapped there, including my snowblower.
My arm muscles are getting pretty ropy, mind you.
As the winter has dragged on, I’ve had to make some decisions for my own peace of mind; namely, I’ve informed the school council that I will be resigning as chair at the end of June – not 2017, as they wanted, can you imagine?? – and I’ve also quite firmly told the PTA that no, I will not be joining despite all their flattery and cajoling.
This means I only have three more meetings to get through as school council chair, and then I’m done done DONE FOREVER and this makes me so happy. I read all those articles and blog posts about how to keep your sanity while a stay-at-home mom and keeping your resumé relevant when out of the workforce and how to find your bliss and without fail, they all mention volunteer work.
To which I say, bullshit. Volunteer work is fine until you factor in the people. The people who never actually put any work or effort in beyond attending a meeting once in a while, but feel fully-qualified to offer their two cents’ worth in a belligerent and argumentative fashion. The people who sit quietly during meetings, never saying a word, and then email you afterwards with pages of vitriol and anger about how Person A monopolized everything.
I have worked for three non-profits in my life, all staffed by volunteer boards, and now I’ve spent five years on this volunteer school council. I’ve run into the same shit every time. Unless I can find a way to volunteer in a silent vacuum, I think my volunteering days are done for a while.
After years of ranting, raving, complaining, and snarking, I finally broke down and read Twilight. I’m far enough behind the cultural zeitgeist with this that there were no holds on the ebooks at the library, go me! Also, I recently read The Kite Runner and We Need To Talk About Kevin and the one-two combo upset me so much that I’ve sworn off pretty much everything that my peer group is recommending I read.
So! Twilight! Brief thoughts on it and then we will never speak of it again:
- The writing is not terrible. There are some problems, but I’ve read worse *coughELJamescough*.
- I said all along that I would not be comfortable with my tween daughter reading them without my guidance, based solely on what I’d read and heard about the story. I stand by that. Edward is domineering, controlling, and weird. It’s all red flags for later abuse. Breaking into your house to watch you sleep, kissing you and then blaming you for getting him aroused, flying into dark brooding rages because you talk to your male friend… none of this is romantic and all of it is worrisome.
- Team Jacob.
- Stephanie Meyer needs to actually explain what makes Bella so Unique and Special and Different and Attractive. All I’m getting is that she’s self-involved, whiny, self-absorbed, broody like a hen, entertains suicidal thoughts regularly, and is convinced no one in the history of the universe has ever felt the feelings that she is feeling with her feeling-heart RIGHT NOW. In other words, she’s a completely normal teenage girl.
- Stephanie Meyer is very in love with the “hole in my heart” metaphor, and should have had someone nip that shit in the bud. You broke up with your boyfriend, Bella. You shouldn’t need to literally wrap your arms around yourself for months to pull the edges of the hole together. If you do, see a doctor.
- If I were Stephanie Meyer, I would sue the ugly pleather pants right off of EL James, because not only did she plagiarize the story and make a frillion dollars of it, but she actually made it so, so much worse in every possible way.
- Vampires shouldn’t sparkle. Or walk around in daylight. Or go to high school. Or swear off human blood. Sorry, that’s just how I feel. If you’re going to have vampires, HAVE THEM. Otherwise Edward is really just a very attractive dickhead with a credit card.
- Bella clearly has some kind of heart condition. Her heart stops a lot, for no real reason. Also she forgets to breathe, which is physically impossible because breathing is an involuntary reaction. Meyer doesn’t know how to science. At all. I blame Mormons.
- Bella is in the hospital getting stitches ALL THE TIME. Secret stitches that she doesn’t want her father to know about. Who is paying for all of these hospital visits? I thought all US medical care came with a bill? And before she turns 18, isn’t she a minor who can’t give consent to receive any medical care? I realize this is probably a minor point in a book about sparkly teenage vampires but honestly it is bugging the hell out of me.
- None of this makes me want to see the movies, even a little bit. I keep picturing KPatz in the lead roles and I just laugh helplessly because the pair of them have about as much charisma as my left and right socks.
I truly, truly hope spring comes soon. Or at least that winter backs off for a little while and gives us a break. When I start writing lists about Twilight, we can officially say that winter needs to end.