Posted by: Hannah | 09/15/2015

i got you babe

So. I’m back.

I know, I did that scary thing where I wrote a long post about how emotionally-unstable I am, and then disappeared from the blog.

I know, I hate it when people do that.

In the meantime I got so many comments, and emails, and texts… I truly am blessed to have so many people rooting for me, and encouraging me to keep that doctor’s appointment and get some help.

I feel that I owe you all an update on that.

The appointment was this morning. The same day as George’s first day of preschool, so after dropping he & Daisy off at school (it was fraught, but that’s a post for another day) I took Charlie and went to my appointment.

I got there a good 40 minutes early, because I couldn’t imagine what I would do to fill the time otherwise, and the waiting room has wifi AND a train table. I settled down to wait while Charlie played.

Five minutes later, Charlie squatted in the corner and got a Very Serious Look on his face. I sighed. His parents are planning on starting with potty-training next month, so I couldn’t very well say “I KNOW YOU ARE POOPING, SMALL HUMAN” and rush him to the bathroom. Instead I had to sit there, waiting for him to finish, trying not to make eye contact with anyone else in the waiting room.

To the washroom! Fortunately it had a change table. Unfortunately it was installed by a giant. When I hoisted him up, the table was level with my boobs… meaning that his now foul-smelling rear-end was basically level with my face.

As I cleaned and wiped and flushed and sprayed Febreeze (good thinking, doctors!), I couldn’t help but think that if I were a celebrity, I could just go to a cushy rehab centre somewhere, get my vaj steam-cleaned, and become a Scientologist. Instead, I was face-level with a two-year-old’s dirty diaper.

Back to the waiting room for another fifteen minutes… then the receptionist came over and apologized, but my doctor was not going to be able to keep the appointment. She was stuck at the hospital, delivering two babies, and could I reschedule for a later date?

I did, and I didn’t wig out, but inside my head I was thinking yup, of course, it fucking figures. I finally get up the nerve to make this appointment, and I make myself come, and now I have to go through the same cycle of emotions & stress next week because it’s like the ‘Groundhog Day’ for the mentally ill.



I made another appointment, for next Tuesday morning. I will go again. I will persist.

But dammit, pregnant ladies of Halifax! Can you just hold on to those babies next Tuesday? That’d be GREAT.



  1. Good for you.

    The fact that you didn’t whip out the classic “I need. I neeeeeeed.” means you are awesome. 🙂

    I am proud of you. (Not to overstep. I just am.)

    And why is it so challenging for people to hang those darn Koala things?! I once had to change a kiddo on one with a rather disconcerting incline. As if babies aren’t stability challenged enough!

  2. You did it though! And yes, big sigh. BIG SIGH WTF UNIVERSE. But next week. Next week will be good too. Just a little later than thought.

  3. Oh man. Poop AND having to reschedule…that sucks. Hoping next week’s appointment goes smoothly. (Oh, and I vanish from social media when I’m emotionally unstable too. And then worry that people will think I’m ignoring them.)

  4. My doctor doesn’t do obstetrics. That made me kind of bitter when I was pregnant, but if I’d made this kind of appointment and then she was off catching babies? HULK SMASH. NOT cool, General Perversity of Things. NOT COOL IN THE LEAST. I love you. You have my permission to eat as many chips as necessary to get you through to next Tuesday.

  5. Bloody wimmin having bloody babies wily nily. Selfish mares.

  6. How frustrating. Good for you for going and with a little one in tow, to boot. And good luck next week.

  7. Delivering two babies? Were they twins, or is she some kind of superhero doctor who can teleport between delivery rooms? Believe me, I know from experience: newborns are slippery suckers. You cannot possibly catch them one-handed, even if the beds are right next to each other. Your doctor is either a big liar or that kid from The Incredibles who can move faster than the speed of light.

    • She was in the OR doing a c-section on mom # 1, and mom # 2 was in vaginal labour in the next room over. So it was true, and I’m sure she had an exhausting morning.

      • Good grief, that sounds like a very exhausting and deeply unsafe situation for a doctor to have to be in! Unless… you guys have midwives over there, don’t you? I was thinking USA, but you’re closer to the UK model. So I’m assuming there would have been a midwife with mum #2 and the doctor wasn’t running madly between rooms.

  8. I hope that appointment went okay. Remember when my doctor threw a box of pills at me and chucked me out?

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