Posted by: Hannah | 11/13/2015

day 13

I was offline for three hours to make dinner, and I sat down to write today’s post – and heard the terrifying news from Paris. Anything I could write feels trivial right now, and frankly I don’t have the heart to compose anything.

Times like this I wish I believed in a god – any god – so that I could pray for peace and understanding. Instead the world feels a little darker and more lonely right now. I never went to Paris, and now the Paris I wanted to visit doesn’t exist anymore.



  1. Same. I have been working on a work project all day and just now got to the internet only to find out about the terrifying situation in Paris and now I kind of wish I’d put off the internet entirely today. What horrible, horrible news.

  2. I feel shitty that I don’t feel like this. At 39 I remember too many things like this; some of them closer still to home (uk childhood at the height of the ‘troubles’ among other things). And then it occurs to me that this is as nothing compared to what so many people around the world experience every day that is barely, if at all, news and that you don’t see world leaders rushing to comment on and awful as these events are this aspect starts to really piss me off. Sorry, immediate, visceral reaction there so I guess it did hit me on some level. Also I’ve been following your blog for a while and can’t remember if I’ve commented before (I’m an inveterate lurker) so sorry if this kind of blunt comment is my first.

    • I get this, I really do. Shortly after I hit post I found out about the Beirut attack earlier today, and yeah, it pisses me off that the global reaction to the two attacks was so markedly different *even though* they are equally terrible.

      I’m 37 so I remember an awful lot of attacks and disasters too. Mumbai. 9/11. The 2005 London subway bombing. Hell, Hurricane Katrina and the awful aftermath in New Orleans. Each one takes the heart from me, for a while. And I know that I’ll wake up in the morning, safe, all my friends and family safe, and in a few days or weeks this will fade from my immediate consciousness, until the next one.

      That’s horrible too.

      I just honestly couldn’t imagine writing about the little annoyances and events of my day, when I was still processing what was unfolding. If I wasn’t trying to post every day in November I wouldn’t have put up anything at all.

      I’m glad you came out of lurkdom.

  3. I tried to leave this comment earlier but my iPad wouldn’t let me post it. This was the first I heard about it (I was home all day and don’t look at the news.) It’s so awful. My heart goes out to the citizens. I keep thinking of the family friends who were just in Paris this week, but thankfully have moved on to Rome, otherwise they wouldn’t be coming home soon.

    I gotta admit, believing in a god doesn’t help a whole hell of a lot when you’re faced with the evil that people commit against each other. I try to pray and it seems pretty useless. But I think the best we can do is to hold the victims’ families in our hearts and remember that where evil erupts, good will also emerge as people help each other get through this. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but it’s something.

    • Yes. All the good & brave people who did what needed to be done – they outnumber the nihilists and I have to keep that in mind.

      A friend’s mom & aunt are visiting Paris and were very nearby the stadium when the bomb went off; so near, in fact, that they were cut by flying glass. A taxi took them to a safe neighbourhood. A family took them in and gave them a landline to call their home in the UK so everyone knew they were alright. Small kindnesses, but so important.

  4. I am so sad. We drove to Moncton to celebrate a birthday and arrived to CNN telling us for the next four hours what was happening.

    I prefer CBC.

    I prefer no terrorist attacks.

    I am so sad.

    • I avoid CNN like the goddamned plague when this stuff is happening. Their reportage is just awful.

      I watched the English livestream on France24 for a while, then just quietly logged off. I am always torn at a time like this between wanting to bear witness and not wanting to be a tragedy vulture.

      • I loathe CNN coverage. I never watch it. I was not the one in charge, obviously. I don’t find it helpful at all to see the same horrible things on loop. It’s awful. I am sad. It’s awful. I feel my righteous indignation brewing. Why are these hate filled and hateful people allowed to exist? It’s just so tragic. I’m with you. I can’t watch, yet want to be informed. I’m sticking with written reports for now. Twitter was helpful. Only if you can avoid the hate mongers though.

  5. I’ve been watching PH carefully since Paris. He loves France. He keeps talking about Paris as if he grew up there and I am like “four days. We were there for four days.”

    But he hasn’t been particularly bothered. In his mind, the attacks are minor compared to what ISIL is doing elsewhere and while it is sad, it is also expected.

    I have been mimicking his attitude. Very sad, but France is strong and they will get through.

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